My hand disappeared a week ago. I was rolling out a sheet of cookie dough for the kids. They come home around three and I like to have something warm baking for them. It makes me feel more useful and it's good that kids end their day with something sweet.
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George's house was a hubcap magnet. Hubcaps came weekly, flying through the air at his windows or car or yard like some sort of kamikaze attack. He didn't know why this was, it just was.

First he attempted to board his windows up. This left him wi...   [Read more...]

We had our pet unicorn stuffed today. Oh people will tell you it's odd to stuff your family pet. A bit grim. A bit strange.

My aunt Gemma said we'd turn up on one of those hoarding shows, pointing out the rows of stuffed cats and rab...   [Read more...]

Lola. When I think of her my heart doesn't beat right. It doesn't go bathumpbathump like on television. It goes beep beep beep because I'm a robot.

Wait. It's more like a clock than a heart. They've placed me in front of the Barking Burger. ...   [Read more...]

Gigantic. It's not a word you use to describe a penis. It's too bulky. Women want softer words. More exotic words. Words that whisper and moan.

Never start with sex either. You start in the middle of things and the...   [Read more...]

I hoped they would stop worshiping the coat soon. After my husband Ed spilled coffee on his shoulder I'd washed it and put it out on the line to dry.

Someone from town happened to pass by as it swung from the line. He said he saw the face of...   [Read more...]

The pistol was cocked, ready to go. There were angels on my lawn. Dirty, foul things. They pecked at my roses, tearing at them with their claws. They left shit and mud stained feathers all over the lawn. They peed on everything.

I'd tried that new Angel B Go...   [Read more...]

There is a point where you have prayed enough. When you have suffered enough. It was at this point that Imelda figured out how to pick the lock on her bedroom door.

The sound of the door creaking rattled in her ears. Carefully, she felt along the wa...   [Read more...]

The dog told him to kill people. It wasn't like it was the first time either. Mr. Muffins had been telling Jim to kill people since he was but a pup.

At first it was the normal crazy things. Kill the president. Kill Madonna. Kill that guy who sells ice cream ...   [Read more...]

The sheep were at pasture.

It was 0300 and the troops were restless. They wanted action, not this placid chewing of grass. Every day was filled with nothing but chewing and the occasionally terrifying sheering.

The ones that came back from the shed came b...   [Read more...]