I was stealthy. I knew my prey was crafty, so I prepared. Night vision goggles, sniper rifle, grenades just in case. I was stalking the elusive Reindeer through the forests of the Northwest.

Oh, but he was a crafty one, indeed.

He doubled back on me. I barely saw him coming. Who knew reindeers could fly? This one was wearing a blue cape, and its nose was glowing bright red.

I should have seen it coming. He ambushed me.

Then I saw the man himself. Santa. I thought he was made up. He'd been behind the ambush the entire time.

They tied me up and put me in the sleigh. Foiled again.

It does have a happy ending, though. My attempted attack on Rudolph and subsequent kidnapping by Santa got me on talk shows and garnered me Celebrity status.

They called it a story of redemption on Oprah.