Peasants. That's what I thought when I looked out the window. Nothing but peasants on the street below. Uneducated people. I watched as one of them gave birth. Immediately, she put her baby in a tree. There was a bees' nest there and the bees stung the baby. Even from up here I could hear the baby scream. The baby fell out of the tree. I think it broke a leg because it didn't move after that. The baby just cried and screamed and ate fig newtons. It bled too. A lot.
Slowly, I ate my Almond Joy bar.
Gweedo, my head chauffeur, came into the room.
"Your majesty," he said. "We have filled the moat with Mountain Dew as per your request."
"How wonderful," says I. "We know that the hornets like it."
And it was true. For hornets love sweetness and soon the Mountain Dew attracted them. For a while, it looked like the grounds below was covered in a giant yellow buzzing blanket. The peasants were not happy. Two minutes ago, they'd been rioting for bread. Now they were being stung.
One of the peasants began climbing the wall. He made it all the way up to my window. "Begging pardon m'lord," he said. "But I would like to show you my belly button."
He opened his tunic and showed me the biggest belly button I'd ever seen. It was two inches deep and had a diameter of one foot. There was a family of rats living in it. They were watching TV and playing Twister.
"Gol," says I. "That's disgusting."
Then I gave everyone bread. Yay! I'm best.