This wasn't supposed to happen. You weren't supposed to feel this way; about your mother-in-law. But didn't the saying go, if you wanted to know what your wife would look like in 30 years...and that was another thing. She only had another few years in her. Her husband wasn't giving it to her. I'm a goddamn octo-phile, he thought. Was that the word? But she was perfect -- an insurance commercial, the cover of Mature Living, hell, the centerfold.

"Theo, is everything all right, dear?" Theo had begun mumbling to himself.

"Yes, mom. I'll have another hot dog, if you don't mind." She smiled and placed a bun on his plate.