Smitten


by DoctorMikeReddy over 5 years ago

Hard to think now, gazing into her eyes as we lay side by side, that we'd only met on the train an hour ago. I'd been standing at first. She sat with a mother and two small kids, chatting away; she'd been so gentle, loving, playful with them. Occasionally, she'd look out the window. Several times she caught my eye in the glass, and smiled at my dimmer reflection. When the family got off at Bristol I sat down, the carriage empty now. We chatted about our lives, her boyfriend, my wife and grown up daughters. A generation gap meant nothing, and our whole world turned around.

Laying next to her, I knew the timing stank, but she was The One. A soul mate I'd searched for all my life. I felt like an old fool. Couldn't feel anything anymore. The only imperfection of her face, a face I knew I'd admire the rest of my life, was the blood trickling from the corner of her eye and nose. The light flickered and died, but some spark gave me glimpses of her. They wouldn't save her in time. She smiled apologetically. I did the same.

"Sorry" I said.

"It's ok. Next time."

Comments

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1
ganymeder over 5 years ago

Oh, that was brilliant! Loved the end (yes, I read the ending comment). :)

DoctorMikeReddy over 5 years ago

Thanks to Galen for site fixes :-)

1
DoctorMikeReddy over 5 years ago

I'd love this, and maybe a few others, to be a script for a short film. If anyone is interested, please contact me.

1
ganymeder over 5 years ago

~comment from Monsterbat

Interesting story! I liked it; basically it's an interesting story. :)

1
JessWest over 5 years ago

Oh how tragic! They finally found each other at the end of her abruptly shortened life. Well done, Mike.

1
Gone Awry over 5 years ago

Wow, I liked that! that was very good! such an interesting premise...

1
Fablanta over 5 years ago

Well that was well worth 3 minutes of my life. I found the last sentence particularly intriguing.

1
Jumper over 5 years ago

-crying-
...nope, that's it.
-cries some more-

1
carebearsandpencils almost 5 years ago

WOW. Amazing job, Can't wait to read more.

DoctorMikeReddy

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I do all sorts of things. Mostly badly. Mostly better than others. I tell stories. Occasionally, I lie.

Favorited by

ganymeder, JessWest, Jumper, carebearsandpencils 4 favorites

Story information

license

Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0

The prompt for this story