I was going to the store to buy figs when the kid with the long brown hair ran past me. She was running so fast that her body was on an angle... like 45 degrees and her hair was raking back. There was a big piece of wood stuck to her back.

I bought my figs and then I started the arduous walk home. The girl ran past me again and I was able to stop her.

"Why are you running so fast?" I asked.

"Because of the wood stuck to my back," she said. "It is infested with termites."

"Well, let me help."

I pulled the wood out of her back and saw that, yes, it was covered with termites. They had burrowed into her skin and were crawling out both nostrils. Some of the termites burrowed into my skin and chewed off my left hand. Blood shot out of the stump. I was able to sew it shut using some of the girl's hair.

"What do we do with the termites?" I asked.

"Sell them?" she suggested.

We made a termite stand. A little old lady dropped by and bought a bag of termites for 53 cents. Then she ate them all. One after the other.

"My oh my I do love termites," she said.

Then the termites began mating in her stomach. They had like a million babies and termites started chewing their way out of her body, eating her guts. It was gross. Her body became a termite explosion. They were big termites too. They were as big as tricycles. They started eating cars, trees, Denny's Restaurants, and Humphrey Bogart.

The teenaged girl then told me a secret. She was really Wonder Woman. We hopped into her invisible jet and started flying through the sky. Beneath us, termites crawled everywhere. Someone tried to throw potatoes at them but that didn't work. Then the termites started playing cards.


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termiteguy over 11 years ago

ok, this is a twisted story but I get it -- what a great way to visualize the threat of termites.

Shteevie (joined over 13 years ago)

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