"It's like a huge, deformed penis sticking up out of the ground," she said. Red Gatorade sprayed her cheek. Nick wiped his mouth and capped the bottle.

"It what??"

"Look at it." She wiped her face with her sleeve. "It looks like a massive stone cock. Big ol' mushroom-tipped cock."

He shook his head, but grinned anyway. "Seriously, what is wrong with you? I thought men were supposed to be the ones seeing phallic imagery everywhere?"

"I can't help what I see. And I see a big cock. God, can you imagine..." She shuddered. "Though if I saw something that smooshed in real life I think I'd gag. Encountering a cock like that might turn me off of sex."

"Can you please stop saying cock?" He stifled an adolescent snicker. "Where's the lady I married?"

"I'm right here." She grabbed at his shorts. "Now let me see your cock."