Have I ever told you the story of how I got expelled from high school? It all started with this asshole kid, Greg Helsprat. He wasn't called "Greg Helsprat" back then. Instead, we called him "Fistbump". He hated it, but it fitted. He used his fists a lot, but most of all he kind of looked like a fist. Anyway, Fistbump seemed to enjoy treating other kids like crap, but he always had something special planned for me. Maybe he hated funny people, maybe he had a crush on me, maybe because I coined "Fistbump". I never found out why.
So, one day I enter the restroom and he was waiting behind the door. I asked him, how long he'd been standing there, and he said "all morning". That dude was nuts. I went into one of the cabins, did what I had to do, flushed, opened the door and there he was. "Didn't wash your hands…" he said, grabbed my hands, dunked them into the toilet bowl and flushed. He started laughing hysterically and ran outside. I went after him and found myself in the middle of the crowded hallway, with Fistbump pointing at my dripping hands, yelling "Turd hand! Turd hand!" Everyone was watching and laughing at me, and Fistbump kept going. Made jokes, like that I call my hands "No. 1" and "No. 2". That idiot had definitely prepared some sort of routine. I should have just let it slide, as it got old pretty fast. He was still riding on it two weeks later and no one cared. But I didn't. I plotted my revenge and it was perfect. I placed a spring attached to a rubber fist dildo in is locker, so that when he opens it, he would get his face fist bumped. I waited by his locker all morning, and the anticipation almost killed me. All of a sudden, the principal and two teachers hurry to his locker, and I just stand there, shocked, as they open it. "FISTBUMP!" The little speaker I installed seemed like a nicer touch on paper.
Well, long story short: It turns out, Fistbump killed himself. He even addressed me in the note he left. Said, that he couldn't "take the bullying anymore". That dipshit got me expelled, post mortem.
I guess the moral of that story is that sometimes you just have to let stuff go. If I had just ignored his stupid prank, everyone would have dismissed that letter as nonsense. Then again, seeing my principal getting fisted in the face… You can't have it all, I guess.