As a child my Mother has always told me to make something of myself. She'd push me into doing things I really did not want to do.
"Learn the piano!"
"Take up dance!"
"You will act!"
Order after order. I wasn't any good at any of it really. So I just gave up quietly in my mind and pretended to care.
For Mother there wasn't any point in just being alive.
"You must be living!" she'd shout whilst doing something boring and mundane like peeling an onion.
I didn't get why she was so determined that I do something. I mean, she didn't bother. In my younger years I'd often sit in my red gown in the doorway of our small home and wonder. My Mother didn't bother then why should I? What did she do that was so great? Have a child?
I know now that this was incredibly naive of me, but I was young you see. The young are always the cruelest. When she died I realised that I had to do something with my life. It was then that I became a Mother myself.
I'd often say to my twins "You must be living little ones. You must be living."