Fecking parents. Stupid betches who sent me to some Asiaman country. Like, the Olympics were here or some shit? Margo watched the gymnastics because she says those skinny betches give her inspiration.

So the plane. There's some old shriveled mushroom man who murmurs some language in his sleep. His elbow keeps bumping mine, mind my bubble betch.

Some dude picks me up at the airport. No English, obviously. Why the feck don't you speak English? I thought everyone learns it in school. Whatever. My parents sent me here for culture. Sorry if eating dogs and people yelling squiggly lines at you isn't my idea of culture.

I just wanted to drink vodka redbulls on the beach with mah girls and hook up with Jason at night. But fecking China instead. Stupid DUI. That cop was an asshole. Who does he think he is?

Fecking cab. Traffic everywhere. Smells like that nasty kung pao restaurant mixed with diapers and Dunkin' Doughnuts. I press my breath against the window, 5 gum fogs it up. There's this chick. She's this ugo red dress, like my little red riding hood costume. She's crying.