I walked into the restroom, and relieved myself while reading PEOPLE'S MAGAZINE. I got the latest updates on Bradalina, or Angpitt or whatever, while I was taking a dump. As I walked out my mouth gaped as I found out that Jenifer Aniston and Tom Cruise were hooking up.

TEXT:

OMG! JA and TC ARE TOTALLY HOOKING UP LOL!
L8R!

I called my BFF Malissa and told her about the latest update. After we talked for a while, she sighed and told me she really didn't care. I told her to start caring about things that really mattered in life, but she just laughed, and told ME to care about nature and all that crap. She told me about the oil spill and that BS, so I said whatever.