Theo had had ENOUGH. Ever since he had married Julia, it had been vegan this and free range that. If he had to choke down one more organic graham cracker, he would slit his wrists. It wasn't Julia's fault; it was her mother's. That old witch had insisted on a completely organic, 60s hippie diet, and had dragged the whole family on board. Her husband, his father-in-law, had started sneaking bacon sandwiches when she went to play bingo., Theo, however, had no such break from the Diet from the Black Lagoon.Julia would feel so guilty if they snuck around behind her mother's back. So, he had not seen nor smelled even a measly hot dog for three months. And he had hated every minute of it. He would get out of the car at the office and stare longingly at the street vendors at every corner, smiling and tempting him with the sweet scent of mustard and sauerkraut. He had never been a man with a strong constitution, and today, his resolve was about to crack. So, during his lunch break, he slunk out to the street and crept up to the nearest vendor, collar turned up and hat pulled low over his eyes. "Two dogs, with extra mustard.": he whispered, looking around furtively. Suddenly, a handbag whacked him upside the head. That long, screechy voice that he had dreaded since his wedding day cut through the mustard scented air. "Caught you red handed!" The old bat, her wide purple sun hat tilted back over her wrinkly face, narrowed her beady little eyes.
Now, every vendor within five miles of Theo's office has been forbidden, upon fear of death by flowery umbrella, from allowing him so much a sniff of sauerkraut. "All I wanted was a measly hot dog." He lamented.