One scoop chocolate, one scoop... The ice cream scoop clatters on the counter top, empty. I stare at the perfectly rounded scoop of flawlessly smooth chocolate ice cream sitting in the dark blue bowl as if it might jump out and bite me. I imagine the ice cream breaking down into tiny little calories and attaching themselves to my thighs, my stomach, my arms, my face, forming rolls of soft fat on my body. The ice cream falls with a soft plunk back in the tub. With a snap, the lid takes away my guilt and I shove it to the back of the freezer. My shoulder blades press into the door of the fridge. Crisis averted. I leave the kitchen almost running.