I...

I...I'm not sure what to say.

Lola.

God. Just the name. Just reading the name - a word, really and I'm gone. Just gone.

Do I actually remember her anymore? Sometimes, I wonder about that. Sometimes I think that what takes me away, what takes all ability to think or feel anything beyond the word, the name - LOLA...isn't really her at all.

There's this insidious thought that it's not her at all, but just what I always wanted her to be. And wouldn't that be the final victory? That I'm tormented by what I tried to make her into, not Lola herself. That Lola herself has never actually...existed, not really.

So who's victory would that be? Hers? Mine?

Mine, I think.

Definitely mine.

Lola.

Lola.