It was the third day of my cruise and I was bored as hell. If I had to sit through another party on the deck with the awful music and the dull people in fancy clothes I was going over the side with no life preserver. I decided to walk slowly around the perimeter of the ship by myself instead.

Suddenly, I saw a Jack Russel terrier sitting on the railing all alone. I was seized with a crazy impulse. I looked around and saw no one; no one to witness the heinous act I was contemplating. With a twisted grin, I peered over the side, trying to judge just how far the fall to the choppy, freezing water would be.

I dug inside my pocket for a dog biscuit. There are usually a few in my clothes somewhere; I get hungry on long trips away from home.

The dog noticed me and barked. I barked back. How dare it bark at me? I needed some Jell-O to complete my plan. Unfortunately, there was none to be found. I asked the dog if it would form a suicide pact and jump over the edge together with me. It ba