The lamp wouldn't turn on. Off, yes. around, yes. But on, absolutely not. No matter how many times he flipped the switch, no matter how many times he prodded it, shook it, swung it over his head, he could not get it to turn on. He decided to coax it. First he offered it things that humans like: chocolate, love and affection, sex. The lamp did not budge. Then he offered it things that his cat liked: mackerel, catnip, a laser. Nothing. He tried reasoning with it, but the lamp was dead to his entreaties. Look, he explained, you staying here, not shining, the dark - this doesn't benefit either of us. Imagine how much happier we'd both be if you simply turned on? Nothing.

He had tried changing the bulb hours ago, but clearly the bulb was not the issue. Why would a person need a new bulb when it's their entire existence that's in shambles? He was very concerned at this point. The lamp simply refused to shine, with all the doggedness of an angry child.

It was dark, but his eyes were getting used to it. He wanted to read, but he realized that he had read many things before, and he could go without reading. He could eat in the dark. He decided to give up on the light.