Kids cuddle everything and aren't afraid of anything. One time, I fell asleep, and woke up in the arms of a toad. Another time, I was dreaming and thought I had received a personal relationship with non-Euclidian geometry, but in reality, I had been eaten by an alligator. Oh well, third time's the charm, right? How many snuggle-happy toads and princess-devouring alligators can there really be in the world? The odds against ever encountering such a thing are astronomically low, even in the soft, cottony arms of a drug-induced stupor.

They say that dreams are messages from God, and I believe that, with my whole heart -- the idea fits right in with God's general attributes of impotence and evil. Kids get raped and murdered, villages get blown to smithereens by the self-styled righteous. God done it all. It's all part of His plan. We cannot understand His divine reasoning. Likewise, it is God that implants my psyche with toad-cuddling and catastrophic injuries from rare apex predators. Amen.