I've never liked nature. I never saw the point. I've got a perfectly comfortable bed, a nice kitchen, television, the Internet, you name it. Nature has bugs, extreme temperatures, all kinds of dangers and obstacles. That's why humans built civilization - to overcome all of that. What campers and nature-lovers are saying is that our entire civilization is a terrible idea.
It all changed when I fell in love with Eve. How could I fall so hard for a nature-lover? What was I thinking? Obviously I wasn't thinking. She stepped up to me in the grocery store, commented on the...
"Hmm, urg, turn down the heat," he thought to himself as his attention turned to the pain in his armpits and ankles. "Who jumped me?" He thought, before he realized he'd soon pry open the almost necrotic lids of his gummed up eyeballs.
it occurred to him that a lot had already transpired that day, and he was just getting started. He looked out the window and hurried to the kitchen, then started heating up some coffee. Then he rustled up the morning paper and, fuzzy eyed, stared at it without much comprehension.
His companion hadn't gotten up yet, so...
One minute she was on the page of a manga novel and the next she was standing in the rain. I stared at her from my seat in the cafe. One minute I was reading about her and the next I was watching her loo around, confused. I jumped up out of my seat and raced outside. "Sumi! Sumiko!" She turned to look. It was her, I was certain. Sumiko, from my favorite manga. She was not of this world. "Sumiko, I am here to help you..." What else could I say? She was lost in the middle of the...
Hospitals won't help a dying man. At least not one who is truly dying. Most hospitals will rush to help a man who's body is dying but very few will ever stop to nurse the man who's life is dying. Right before the eyes of his friends and family, he begins to fade away. Slowly at first, but then more rapidly until one day, he is no longer alive. Sure, he will still walk around, eat, sleep, talk - all the things that are needed too be considered "alive". Anyone who has ever felt truly alive, like you do when...
Everyone tries to be funny and make jokes about the magic beans. "Trade a cow? How about my wife?" they say. But magic beans, and the vines that grow from them? That's no laughing matter, and my garden is a mess.
You ever known a weed to go away by cutting it down? No of course not, you cut the weed, and it will just grow back. You have to pull the thing out by the roots if you're going to have any hope of getting rid of the thing, and even then it's usually back in a week. Well,...
The lamp wouldn't turn on. This was no surprise considering the power was out all over the city; still, Harold tried anyway, just out of habit. Upon defeat, he turned around and headed down the hall to the kitchen, where the Drawer of Random Stuff resided.
He reached in and grabbed the flashlight, but knew this was futile since buying batteries for it was something on his perpetually procrastinated to-do list, so he did what countless others do when they grab a flashlight that is more than likely dead--he flicked the switch and shook the electric torch furiously, just hoping...
What is the meaning of life? More importantly -- What is the meaning of eternal life?
Jane had an inkling that something was off that Thursday. Something didn't just quite feel -- right.
She went to the coffee shop as she always did for her latte in the morning. Today, however seemed peculiar.
She paid, as always, in quarters, and went to sit at a table.
A man stepped up to her and intoduced himself.
"My name is Safura", he said.
"I'm Jane. Nice to meet you".
"What would you say if I told you I could offer you eternal...
The lamp wouldn't turn on. He struggled with it for what seemed like half an hour, swearing under his breath, and then swearing out loud, loudly out loud, freaking out both of the cats in the apartment. He would apologize to them later. Anyway, they should be used to it by now.
And then once he got the damned thing on he couldn't turn it off.
He wasn't going to waste half an hour on this useless project, too. He wanted to go to bed. He simply unplugged the lamp. That turned it off. That worked. Now the apartment was...
I dare you. I dare you. I dare you.
Her so-called friends had decided that it was time she took a stand against their teacher, apparently his 'bullying techniques' and 'sadistic behaviour' towards her was unacceptable. Not that she noticed, people could say what they cared - it was up to her whether or not she listened. That was of course her main problem concerning her; she just didn't care enough.
"I see we're having another quiet day today?" Said with so much contempt, spilling from a mouth that was hated by so many. She took a deep breath and...
It was the fall that surprised me most. I had never been a graceful person, and I was no stranger to the more than occasional stumble and bumble, but to actually lose my balance, to land hard on my rump, feet splayed out in front of me with no chance to catch myself, that was a surprise.
Luckily, I didn't land on my trombone, which was strapped to my back in a relatively unprotected cloth gig bag. Trombone players are marginally useful as it is, and trust me, NOBODY needs a trombone player with a flat bell or bent slide....