When I reached end of the running trail in the woods, I ran into a gigantic zombie. Nearly wet my pants. Damn thing had to be seven feet tall.

I remembered that zombies bit skulls open and ate hot steaming brains. Made me wish I was wearing a football helmet. I started to run like hell in the other direcition.

"Wait," he hollered. "I'm thirsty. Got any ginger ale?"

"No. I only got a can of Pepsi."

"Good enough," he said. "Let me have it and I won't catch you and eat your brains."

I reached into my backpack and...