"What can't you just try to understand?" I couldn't say how many times I hurled those words at someone. My parents, siblings, friends, just about everyone. Each time the words would leave my mouth, they would leave me curled up in a corner somewhere dark and quiet, my heart throbbing and bleeding and aching as I try to stop my tears. But eventually I would let them fall. Tears are really quite good at washing the blood from my heart. The wounds never really heal but they scab over and leave scars that I know will be opened again if...
You get so used to one set of reality that you don't really consider that another one could exist.
Which is a very pretentious way of saying that feelings change without us even noticing it.
It's only when I'm reminded of the intensity of feeling that I notice that I am simply not feeling it anymore. What once felt like lifeline and lifeblood is now just a passing memory. A potentially entertaining thought process, but not worth obsessing over. Barely worth my time.
It's simultaneously comforting and distressing, to know that such intensity can be felt one moment but in...
Imagine you're sitting at a table and the drunk version of you sits before you.
What would you say to one another?
Would the drunk you tell you the truth, admit to all the honesty you bury deep within or would the sober you manage to quell all of the clarity with your denial and issues?
And which one is the real one at this point? You spend more time with alcohol than you do with the voices in your head these days. So if your friends were to join you at the table, which of the two of you...
Christmas morning. It was always something excting and special when I was growing up. There would be a grand Christmas tree set up in the corner, sparkling with the many cheerful lights, music playing softly in the background, and the smell of fresh holiday baking floating in the air. As kids, we would always sleep underneath the dinning room table on that night before Christmas. Well, sleep may not be the right term, we were usually much too excited to close our eyes. In the morning at 7:30 sharp, we would rouse my parents out of bed and gather around...
You know that sound of large brass bells ringing in your ears? That ring that some people think is just jolly fine and dandy? Well, to some other people, the sound of those bells sounds rich, deep, and hollow. It resonates in the hollow parts of someone's heart. The places in their heart that have been turned into huge, gaping voids, created by heartless words and broken promises. Sure, once in awhile someone will find something else to fill in those voids, turning the sound of ringing bells back into the lovely, joyful sound it once was. But other times,...
*Note: the story you are about to read was based on a true story
The earthquake hadn't worried us too much. I mean, come on, we were on vacation. Worries are far away when I am on vacation. My wife and I were sitting on the beach enjoying the beautiful evening together after the earthquake when I had a startling thought falsh through my mind. "Honey, don't tsunami's usually happen after earthquakes like that?" "Yeah." "Well, I suppose we'll leave if the water starts to disappear." Well, after a few minutes, that was what happened. The water disappeared. I could...
Hospitals won't help a dying man. At least not one who is truly dying. Most hospitals will rush to help a man who's body is dying but very few will ever stop to nurse the man who's life is dying. Right before the eyes of his friends and family, he begins to fade away. Slowly at first, but then more rapidly until one day, he is no longer alive. Sure, he will still walk around, eat, sleep, talk - all the things that are needed too be considered "alive". Anyone who has ever felt truly alive, like you do when...
Some people will tell you that time will heal all wounds but they don't know the truth. They simply hide behind nice sounding words meant to comfort those of us who have experienced unspeakable pain and the deepest of wounds. They don't know that some scars never go away. Some cuts never stop bleeding. Some hearts never quite knit themselves together again. And no stain every really comes out. "Time will heal all wounds" Beautiful words really, but a joke just like every other promise of healing. Time will do alot of things. It will grow up your little girl...
My hand disappeared a week ago. I was rolling out a sheet of cookie dough for the kids. They come home around three and I like to have something warm baking for them. It makes me feel more useful and it's good that kids end their day with something sweet.
I was rolling the dough. Chocolate chip, I think it was. And my left hand just wasn't there anymore. The space where it was before was empty now. I didn't scream or cry. I'd gotten used to missing things. I figured this would be the same.
I had another hand...
I dream of beautiful things, of sunshine, of laughter, I dream of family. These dreams always manage to find their way into my pen as I write and turn themselves into words on the page. The sharp contrast of the thick, smooth, black ink on the creamy, soft pages makes a perfect place to display all of the beautiful words. Each of the letters are shaped perfectly round and as I read, they serve another purpose. As I read, they become paintbrushes and skilled artists as they begin to paint stunning pictures in my mind. They paint pictures of a...