Think warm thoughts.

Everyone hears about the other problem. Spontaneous Human Combustion, like it's some mysterious force. Ninety percent of the time, it's just a smoker who nodded off in a polyester easy chair. As if it's some big mystery. The other ten percent, you have your idiots that accidentally got soaked in lighter fluid, people trying to fry things, and other morons. Investigators act like it's so mysterious, but that is just because they don't understand fire. How it works, how it feeds. It's a bunch of pseudo-science, like a medieval doctor trying to cure people through bloodletting and balancing the humours.

But what no one hears about is the real mysterious thing, Spontaneous Human Freezing. When someone burns you know that there was heat, even if the source is gone. But when someone freezes from the inside out, usually sitting next to a campfire, sitting next to an open oven, or in one case a dozen space heaters wired together, there is no explanation.

I don't want to say it's supernatural, but in twenty years I've never found a better explanation. These are not people out in the arctic, succumbing to hypothermia. These are not people in bathtubs of ice. They didn't die of cold and exposure. No, all available autopsies suggest that they froze from the inside out, and those that are found in time still have a frozen core.

Think warm thoughts.

The human body is not meant to freeze, and when it melts it's horrible. Everything in punctured by ice crystals, because despite the name, Spontaneous Human Freezing is not necessarily fast. You don't boom become a human ice cube. No, it's a process, and you can feel it coming. You can feel yourself getting colder, no matter what you do, and there's nothing to stop it.

At least I imagine. I don't know why, and I don't know how. But think warm thoughts.