"You stink," said Martin.

"I do?" said Candice.

"Yes. You smell like eggs and old V8 and goose turds and a garbage dump and Count Chocula."

"Oh," said Candice. "Maybe I've been eating too much garlic."

"Here," said Martin, pulling out the garden hose. "I will shower you."

On went the hose. Candice was soaked. She shrieked. The water soaked her wedding dress, the white leather couch, the white carpet, and her two Corgis - Bill and Lem.

"Now I'm all wet," said Candice, peeling off her dress. She was now naked on the couch.

Martin stuck his nose in her hair. "You still stink," he said. "But now you just smell like old V8."

"You are mean," said Candice. Up she stood. She walked into the kitchen and Martin sprayed her backside. She felt cold water splurge into her bum crack. Little water droplets dripped from her buttocks onto the carpet.

In the kitchen she found a full bottle of V8. This she applied to her body (especially under the armpits.) When she was done, her body had a thin red glaze to it. She looked a little like Sissy Spacek in the prom scene of Carrie.

Candice went back into the living room. She smiled at Martin. "Now I smell like fresh V8," she said.

Martin but the hose down. "I am turned on," he said. "I would like to have intercourse with you on this white couch."

"I don't think so," said Candice. "I will leave now."

Candice left the house even though she was naked and covered in V8 and it was cold outside (it was Christmas Eve.) Across the street, Santa Claus was getting ready to go down someone's chimney.

"Ho ho ho," he said to Candice. "What would you like for Christmas?"

"A fur coat," she said. "And for Martin to be dead."

Santa tossed her a hunting knife. Kill my reinder