There were two hot girls at the side of the bar. I walked up to them.

"Hi," I said. "My name is Patrick and I do not want to get laid."

"That is very admirable," one of the girls said. "Especially since I chose this dress because it shows off my ample breasts."

"Both of us are ovulating," the other girl said. "That means that our bodies want babies even though we, as social creatures, have no desire to be mothers at this exact moment."

"It is a good thing I have no desire to father children with you," I said. "But unlike most of the other men in this bar, I also have no desire to have sexual intercourse with either one of you, thus creating the potential for pregnancy."

"Are you gay?" asked one girl.

"Certainly not," I said. "I just don't want to get laid."

"Then why are you here? This is a singles bar and it is COME GET LAID NIGHT. That is why my friend and I are both here dressed in slutty clothes. We want to get laid."

Both girls shook their ample breasts at me and smiled. They were wearing perfume.

"I must say that I admire the symmetry of your breasts," I said. "However, this does not translate into sexual desire on my part. The admiration I have for your breasts is the same admiration I might have for the Mona Lisa. I can enjoy its artistic excellence without feeling an overwhelming desire to have sexual intercourse."

"Did you know that the capital of Kentucky is Frankfort?" one of the girls asked. "It's not Louisville like everyone thinks it is."

"Let's all go to our apartment," said the second girl. "That's a great place to not get laid."

"Great idea," I said. "Let me haul my flacid penis out of this bar,


Want to comment? Login or Join

Login Sign up
Galen over 9 years ago

Frankfort is the capitol of Kentucky? Love the Aldous Huxley vibe of this story.

Shteevie (joined over 11 years ago)

No favorites

Story information


Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0


We like you. Say "Hi."