People always said that I was like a coin. I had two sides.
No one really knew what side they were speaking to. I'd always laugh it off and say I as a Gemini by nature. I had two personalities. I had two ways of looking at things. I was two people.
Until one of them died. The happy side. The reasonable side. The rational side. The RIGHT side. For some reason I just stopped being a double act.
What was left was wrong. I am wrong now. Many people had left me when that side died. My sister would say that it was just tarnished, I could polish it up and have that happier side shine bright again. I didn't want to brighten up anymore. I was sick of having two reactions, two opinions. Double trouble, I say.
Depression was something I had fallen in love with. I couldn't live without it, the absence of this happiness was okay for me. I could wallow and indulge in myself and my flaws. Happiness meant doing things for other people. It meant having to actively love. I couldn't love anymore. My wife had left me, my kids didn't want to know me.
I was a coin with two faces. One of the faces marred and scorched. Blurred into obscurity... and I was okay with this. I am perfectly okay with this.
Are you okay with this? Choose your side and be okay with it. We really can't be two of anything. You are one side. What one?