"Hello, that was quick. Only 40 minutes on hold…"
"How can I… help…you today?"
"I stepped on my wallet and cracked my credit card. I need a replacement, please."
"Are you the primary card holder?"
"No. That's me wife."
"Can I speak to the p…"
"She's at work. I don't have a job."
"I need to speak to th…"
"You didn't last time… it took an hour of me convincing you I'm authorised on this account, but…"
"I need to speak to the primary card holder."
"But I'm authorised to access this account! Last time I had to talk to the manager, but eventually I gave enough answers for her to send a new card when the chip fell out."
"Can you give me the second and fourth parts from 6 digit security code?"
"That's not the security question I was asked for last time…I've got the account number, the current credit limit, the receipt from the last time the card was used and the most recent statement. Everything I had to find last time."
"It's new… Second and fourth digit please?"
"Er… well it should be N and D."
"No sir, it is a number. And I'm going to have to lock the account…"
"I only want a replacement credit card…!"