My sister signed me up for yoga the day before yesterday. And all I could think about were the yoga girl's toenails. She was the participant in front of me, on a pink mat patterned with yellow flowers. Sitting in the most uncomfortable position of my life, it was her toenails that bothered me. Sitting 10 inches in front of my face, yellowed and cracked, with an attempted cover up of aquamarine polish. "Excuse me, " I wanted to say, "That toenail polish does nothing for you." Or perhaps, "Excuse me, could you help me get my elbow out of my spleen?" Because I was stuck in a gym with New-Age music and the yoga girl's toenails. My life lesson of the day; trim your toenails, so you don't end up like the yoga girl, with a disgruntled patron with her elbow in her spleen behind you, who is NOT paying for this class.