Sometimes I still feel like a kid - excited about silly things like jumping into puddles, watching how the water splashes out in every direction. It's nice to be the centre of something like that, something movable and real.

Especially now.

I'm so caught up in my own head. I'm worried about disappointing my parents, my professors, myself... it's hard to just live. It's hard to just follow my heart when I'm so concerned with what everyone else wants. The thing is, I don't even think anyone has such crazy expectations for me. My parents just want me to be happy and healthy, which I am. My professors... well, I'm a freshman and it's been a month - they don't know I exist yet so I can't be that disappointing to them.

Myself? That's a different story. I have some lofty goals for myself and I'm not living up to any of them. I didn't get accepted as a writer on the university newspaper. My writing was apparently too "unstructured". I'm afraid of what that really means, since my only actual goal in life is to, you know, be a professional writer.

I guess the hardest part is that I don't feel really... human. I mean, I know I'm a person and all that, but it just feels off. I can't really explain it. I feel different from everyone else. I feel detached.

I don't want to be.

I just...

I don't know.