Poor Kait. She has a knee brace. That sucks. How ever will she compete in the Canadian KICK GUYS IN THE NADS CHAMPIONSHIP? I dunno. Kait's awesome at kicking guys in the nads. That's cause she meets lots of arseholes. They come up to her and say: "Hey, want to smell my Cheeto breath?" Then BAM!!! A knee in the nads courtesy of Miss Kait.

Yessir, Miss Kait's won the championship three years in a row. Kait McGee, national nad kneeing champ. So when she broke her knee last week opening that can of Ravioli, all of us were just devastated. Kait especially, who wanted to go to the University of Paraguay on a nad-kneeing scholarship (she wants to major in dwarf identification.)

So I was ecstatic when I learned about the special Knee Replacement Surgery, available only on Pluto. I tell Kait about this and gol durn, she's just as happy as a bucket of cherry Kool-Aid. My cousin, Naz - he owns a rocket ship at NASA. So Kait and I and Naz, we climb aboard said rocket and BLAST OFF!!!

There's Mars and there's the asteroid belt. Ahh shit! Took one on the nose but that's okay. There's Jupiter. See that big red spot? It's three times the size of Earth. S'true.

Kay, now we're on Pluto and good old Gimps McGee, she finds the doctor's office in no time flat. He gives her a new knee, made of ice and silicon and butterscotch pudding. (Very cool, then again, everything on Pluto is.)

So with Kait's knee all good to go again, it's back into the rocket ship and back to Earth. Good ole Naz, he's got a couple department store mannequins in the restroom that Kait can practice on. All trip back, we hear Kait's knee goin WHUMP WHUMP WHUMP!!!

"Gol," says Naz. "I do reckon that girl's gonna win herself another nad kicking championship."

"Gonna make Canadians proud," I agree.

"Wouldn't want to cross her though," says Naz. "I understand she kicks hard!"

"Yup," I say, but I wont say how I know.