The planet of Book was under constant threat of an enormous finger coming down upon it and crushing countless citizens of the terrorized planet. For years, everybody had been safe--they sat on a shelf, undisturbed for nearly three years--but because of a recent movie adaptation of the story contained within, a new-found popularity forced them to face the fact that they would no longer be safe.

The leader of Book, an em-dashing senior who often punctuated his sentences by pounding his fist on the podium from where he spoke, called an emergency meeting of the greatest minds to come up with a defense strategy aimed not at destroying their enemies, but of frightening them away though more dissuasive tactics.

Luckily, they had some time to think, as Book was currently lying in a library book return slot, where it would be safe until at least Monday morning. For once, library funding cutbacks had worked in their favor, since the libraries were no longer open on Sundays.

After some heavy deliberation, the citizens of Book devised a devious plan--they eliminated all vowels from the texts of their land, and made their book nearly unreadable. Eventually, the threat of the finger died off, and the people lived happily ever after. Or so it seemed...