Billy was steadfastly unimpressed.

"Can we go home now?" he asked.

"But, Billy, don't you want to see the top of the beanstalk?" Sarah asked her son. She was confused. Why didn't he like the things other boys liked?

"No."

"Why not? Isn't it cool and -"

"It's a phallic object from the a fairy tale written by the unwitting supporters of the patriarchy," he interrupted.

Sarah hated this. Being lectured by your own sever-year-old was the worst. "Billy, quit saying silly things," she scolded. "It's just a beanstalk. It's supposed to be fun. Why can't you enjoy anything in the amusement park?"

"Because they're not amusing," he said. "There's no irony or humor anywhere. It's just a bunch of dumb stories with obvious plots."

I sighed.

"Besides, I don't even like beans. Why would I like giant beans any better?"