Some people think there is a trick to self-hypnosis. There isn't. The whole thing is a trick. You need to want to be hypnotized, let yourself be hypnotized. But you can't want it so much that you are unable to be hypnotized. It's like living in a zen koan.

There are many different ways of hypnotizing yourself. Some people can meditate themselves into a trance. Some people use drugs. But most people use recordings. And for many people, self-hypnosis works because they can hear their own voice, it works better than a stranger's. Your own voice, some comfortable and common, yet strangely alien outside of your own head. It's easier to trust, it's easier to believe, and it's easier to follow.

And that's how I started too, with an old tape recorder. My own voice separated from my body, coming through a bit scratchy and odd, but still mine. At first I just practiced putting myself into a trance, that came easily and I quickly moved on. I started with confidence and concentration, the usual stuff.

And it worked! I soon felt better, more alive. I was more confident, I was able to get more work done. I decided that the tape worked so well that I kept listening to it, night after night, falling asleep to the sound of myself making me better. The same tape.

And perhaps that was the problem. I soon started losing an hour here or there, waking up with the headphones on. But I didn't think anything of it. Of course I didn't, that was the point. I didn't think, didn't think that the changes would keep coming. That there was a part of me that wanted a door, a way out.

I can't help myself anymore. I can't stop listening to the tape, I don't even know what's on it anymore. And the changes keep coming, there's something in me that is coming. I am in a battle with myself, and I can't win. I look in the mirror, and I don't even recognize myself anymore.