Peasants. That's what I thought when I looked out the window. Nothing but peasants on the street below. Uneducated people. I watched as one of them gave birth. Immediately, she put her baby in a tree. There was a bees' nest there and the bees stung the baby. Even from up here I could hear the baby scream. The baby fell out of the tree. I think it broke a leg because it didn't move after that. The baby just cried and screamed and ate fig newtons. It bled too. A lot.

Slowly, I ate my Almond Joy bar.


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Bob went driving. His car was a 1986 Pontiac T-1000. It was grey. There were rust marks on the fender. There was nothing in the car. Nothing. Bob didn't like things in his car when he drove. They distracted him. This is why he drove naked. Clothes are things. He didn't even like taking the key into the car with him. A key is a thing too. When Bob left, he had no place to put the key, so he stuck it up his bum. The police always found the key when they arrested him for being naked in public...

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We come from beyond the stars. We are the Yorkie chocolate bars.

I was in Grade 4 and this giant living chocolate bar was walking around the schoolyard. We tried shooting it and pelting it with rocks. But nothing worked. The chocolate bar was too thick.

"YORKIE!" it screamed and then it tickled me. Or gave me a wedgie.

Man, I hated that thing. But I have to confess that in a weird way, I liked it too. Don't ask me why but for some reason, I sensed that it wasn't completely malevolent. No. Deep down, I knew there was...

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They were listening to Bach while they sculpted windmills out of Play-doh. The Play-doh was blue. Aunt Gertrude would only allow blue Play-doh in the chalet. It had been that way since the accident.

Aunt Gertrude was 78 years old and she had no arms or legs. She had cut them off in 1983 as a display of devotion to Reggie, her pet octopus. Reggie could have cared less. I remember my Aunt as she wielded the chainsaw, slicing off her limbs, bathing everything in warm red gore. Reggie could care less. He just emitted some ink. Even when Aunt...

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