I stepped into the bathroom, which was green. There was a tape player and it was playing Chinese gongs. There was a salami in the bathtub. The salami was wrapped in that white netting stuff that they wrap salamis in at the salami wrapping plant. There was a toilet too and the toilet was filled with pee and poo and used tampons.

I was still hungry though so I started eating the salami.

"Are you grossed out because of the pee and poo and tampons in the toilet?" one girl asked.

"Both of us are members of Greenpeace," said the other. "We are committed to only flushing the toilet once a week. We save water and we save the planet."

The girls high fived each other and then shook their breasts at me again.

"I am not grossed out because you are human beings and I know that you have digestive and reproductive systems," I said. "What I saw in the toilet was perfectly normal. Shall we play parcheesi?"

"Both of us are horny and we want to have sexual intercourse," said one of the girls. "We have decided that you are extremely attractive and we desire to be sexual with your manly sex part."

"I am flattered that you think so highly of my attractiveness," I said. "But I will not be having sex with you because my name is Patrick and I am the man who does not want to get laid."

The girls started rubbing oil on their breasts. I was hypnotized by this. They had tattoos on their breasts. One breast had a unicorn. Another had a block of cheese. Another had a phone booth. The final breast (the nicest breast, I think) had a tattoo of the Chicago Black Hawks logo.

I started to turn around in circles. I did this 46 times. When I was done I was wearing a sombrero.

"Hey," one of the girls said. "Did I tell you my father was Colonel Sanders?"