Water. It's what keeps the world alive. There is more water than land on the Earth. So what would happen if all the water in the world suddenly disappeared? Simple. We'd all die. And that's exactly what happened.
The day all the water disappeared, I was making coffee in my kitchen. I poured some creamer in and stirred. It was raining. But suddenly it stopped. I was a little curious. I walked outside. No puddles, no water in the gutter. Nothing. I went back inside and turned on the faucet. Nothing. I decided to call up my mother and ask...
Randy: Well Bob, I ain't seen any antelope, nor any deer. An' it sure don't look like there's any home on this here range!
Bob: [spits] Aww sheet Randy! Ah knew we shouldn't ev followed those stinky Injuns!
Randy: You got any Marlboro's there bwoy? Ah think ah need a smoke!
[Bob hands Randy a cigarrette]
Bob: [suddenly worried] Are we walking on a layer of kerosine?
[Randy lights his Zippo]
[-BOOM!!!- Stage Lights Full Glare]
-Stage Lights Off
Daring to be noticed for the first time in her life, she pushed her chair back and stood up.
"Oh, looks like we have ourselves a volunteer?" the D.J at the booth smiled at her.
She blushed when the spotlight hit her. Figures the first time she wanted to be daring, the whole world would see her.
Looking back at her friends as though she wasn't sure of herself anymore, they all encouraged her, their hands moving towards the stage. "Go on!" her friend, Darnell grinned wildly to her. The rest of their group nodded their approval.
Well, if Darnell...
"I'm in love with a robot."
"No, you aren't."
"I am. I'm in love with a robot. Honestly."
"That isn't love, and that definitely doesn't count as a robot. It's..."
"I'm not talking about that." She flushed. "You are disgusting sometimes."
I was fairly certain I was disgusting most of the time. Possibly all the time. "So, what is this, in love with a robot? What robot is it? Can you get upgrades, software patches, apps?"
She shook her head. "It's a character. Well. An avatar."
"Oh, this just gets better and better. Is there a real person behind it,...
I was on too many fucking drug to put up with this bullshit hipster girl with a balloon full of who the fuck even knows. Fuck that. I knew that I was signing up for a quirky-ass time but I didn't realize that that meant chasing someone through alleys full of rapists and foreigners and then what. My prize would probably be equally quirky, like ten gallons of Sunny D or an Altoid tin full of minty condoms. At this point I didn't care about the prize. I just wanted the game to end.
I'd been dragged into this by...
There was blood on my pillow. It's 6 a.m. and there is blood on my pillow. I started to try and remember what happened the night bfore. I struggled to remember, but then it hit me.
Last night I had gone to dinner with friends. We laughed, we ate, we drank. It was a good time. I was out really late and since i wasnt far from my home, I decided to walk. Thinking back to it, it was a bad idea.
On my way home i had to pass through a dark ally. I started hear strange noises. It...
Once, in Beijing, a young girl in a red gown huddled in a doorway. A nice day, bright, the sun moving between tall building willfully. The young girl stared at the sidewalk, waiting for another band of light to finish marching across. Her hands played with the material of her gown, absent-mindedly. She was hungry, but ignored it. Now was not the time.
At last, shade, and the girl stood up, and gently emerged from the doorway. This shadow was fat, and growing fatter, as the sun made its inexorable way. She took a step, and then another. At night,...
she was tired. she was cold. she was a ninja and she was hungry. hungry for revenge. they were out there she just had to find them. the ninja girl gather herself and left the doorway. time for payback. out in the streets, people stared at the ninja girl. she ignored them and walked right passed the throngs of people. weapons must be located for ninja zombies wouldn't die on their own.
after weapon collection it was time for zombie hunting.
remember to cut off the head first this time she reminded herself. there are no points for style when...
We speared our forks on the tablecloth stained with soy and spice and duck sauce as the waiters took the picked-over "Chinese" dinners from our sight. The restaurant catered to American tour groups whose beef and corn tastes fall too unrefined for authentic foreign dishes and who long to travel thousands of miles just to conjure a memory from the hole in the wall Taiwan Garden down the end of Mulberry Street, across from the courthouse.
As our servants sprinkled the remains of our feast in the dumpster like fish food to the swarm of street children eager for their...
Wide, flat expanses lend themselves to romance. The romance of the open air and the sky as they meet the horizon and walk away. In this dusty corner of the world the muezzin stirs. He who calls the believers to prayer.
Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar.
Allahu Akbar into the rising sun. Allahu Akbar to the departing night. Bleary eyed with sandalled feet, the faithful congregate through the thick dust. Voices hushed as though in respect as the light beckons.
Awake for morning in the bowl of night,
Has flung the stone that puts the stars to flight,
And Lo, the...