The President, nefarious super-villain, sneered at Immobilus, Triumph City's most paralyzed superhero, and swung the axe over his head, ready to bury the hatchet, so to speak, deep into the chest cavity of Dred-X, Jamaican superhero and reggae star. Immobilus focused, building up a ball of psychic energy he hoped would be big enough to knock The President.
Just as the head of the axe began to fall, Immobilus fired, the ball of energy glancing off of The President's arm, forcing the axe-head to arc downward and plant itself deep in The President's leg. He let out a blood-curdling scream,...
To the President of the United States,
Please do not pass this law. There are many people who depend on life support for long periods of time and then come back to resume normal lives. If you allow family members to 'pull the plug' if they cannot afford the medical treatment, many people of little means will die. I know this because I am a paraplegic. When I lost my legs, I spent some time on the very machines in question. My family couldn't afford the treatment, and paid bills for years to make it right. I am now a...
The fire engine arrived too late. The pile of ash and debris that had once been a column of flame and once been my home was done. Everyone agreed that no one had ever seen a fire burn so quickly, so hot, and so cleanly. There would have been an investigation, but there was nothing to investigate. Just a lot of tiny pieces that were my life.
I knew that it was a bad idea when I had first tried it. Language is not to be taken lightly, even at the most abstracted level it's a dangerous thing. But at...
The sun had been on her body for 6 days now. Beating down on her pale skin in the Pennsylvania field. Arnold was driving by and saw something strange, and of course it smelled awful; it was 85 degrees that July 4th and he was headed to Grandma Beth's for the pig roast. He pulled his white pickup to a halt, the dust flying behind him into the hot summer air.
He hopped out, put his handkerchief to his nose and mouth, and pulled his straw hat slightly over his eyes. Arnold walked but two steps when he started gagging...
Mary Ruth had been alive for one hundred and two years, and she knew things she shouldn’t know. She knew where the fairy rings of mushrooms sprouted in the woods. She knew that twenty years ago, Mr. Wilkins the shopkeep had been operating a still on his land. She knew why Ms. Perry, the beautiful young war widow, had died at the bottom of a cliff, and why that handsome new Reverend Taylor had run off.
She also knew how to keep her mouth shut. She knew the value of silence, and the value of listening. And sometime in her...
My mother said she would never give up her famous chili recipe, not even to me. Her own flesh and blood. To my six other sisters, she had given her legendary cookie recipe, the secret to her delectable gravy, and a pasta dish that had once made the mayor cry tears of joy.
But the crown jewel of it all, her chili recipe, that she had held back. I was the oldest daughter, and I had always wanted it, worked for it, I had earned it. Who was it that had stayed in the kitchen helping to roll butter into...
Well would you believe it? There I was sat on my couch balancing a plate of egg and chips on my knee when his face flashed all over the news. Didn't do much for my carpet I can tell you, egg yolk stains are a devil to remove, not to mention the ketchup spillage. But I digress. There was our Tony in a naval officers uniform. Well I had to laugh cos it's been at least ten years since I've seen him out of his oily overalls. Scruffy little blighter he is, not very talkative, even worse since that cow...
"Hoist the Jolly Roger, wouldn't you, old chap?"
"Righto, Cap'n," said Lieutenant Chapman. "I say, what shall we do with these old colors?"
"Tear them up, burn them, whatever."
"Cap'n, phone for you, sir," said a young deckhand.
"Ah, thank you, there's a good lad," the Captain took the phone with easy sangfroid. He listened to it for a moment before saying, "that's right, old chap, we're defecting."
"Lost my mind? Bloody well found it, sir. No pay and no shore leave? It's enough to make pirates of anyone, if I do say so meself!"
The ship began to drift...
Let's play a little word association game. I'll start. Are you ready for the word? I'll wait.
Ready now? Okay.
Potatoes.
No, now you say something else. Let's try again.
Potatoes.
No, see, you just repeated my word again. This isn't an echo game, you're not supposed to be the Grand Canyon. Let's try again.
Potatoes.
Okay, seriously, say what comes to mind when I say the word potatoes! I know, obviously the word potatoes comes to mind, but you have to say something else. Because that's how the game works! Come on, son, you're better than this!
What's that?...
She didn't look at him. She couldn't. "Look at me!" he shouted. She didn't. She couldn't.
She did.
Then she did again.
This went on for several hours.
"Stop looking at me!" he shouted. But she didn't not look at him. She couldn't not.
Then she didn't.
He was always looking at her. It was a condition called Iseezyaz, which causes the poor soul to stare at the person closest to them for all of infinite eternity. "It is perhaps the most unsettling, and boring disease known to mankind," Dr. Jesus Katmandu, discoverer of the disease had said upon the...