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TonyNoland

joined almost 2 years ago
reputation 14
stories 17 (view more)
profile

I don't always write fast, but I always try to write well. If you read something of mine and think, "Well, that was crap.", please read it again. Sometimes my jokes and layered meanings don't always come across instantly. If I make you work for the punchline, I hope you realize that I wouldn't even set up the hurdle for you if I didn't think you were able to clear it.

Read more of my work at:
http://www.TonyNoland.com
http://twitter.com/TonyNoland

Follows (7)

Fans (9)

Pestilence, Rooted Out And Burned

by TonyNoland – 3 months ago

"You heard me right, friends. The evil that is draining our country of vitality is NOT Wall Street, NOT Washington D.C., NOT the Chinese or video games or foreign oil! No sir!"

I looked out at them, every one of them shoc...   [Read more...]

Scan Complete

by TonyNoland – 7 months ago

*click*

"Sweetie, Daddy is trying to work, OK? One more picture and then you go play with your dolls, OK? You can do a fashion show and take pictures of them. Wouldn't that be fun?"

*click* *click* *click*

"OK, that's enough no...   [Read more...]

B-L-A-D-E

by TonyNoland – about 1 year ago

A bubble of blood oozed around the tip as he held the blade on his thumb. The knife was unbalanced and sharp. There's a metaphor in there somewhere, he thought.

Hi. My name's Steel. Chinese Steel. I'm unbalanced and sharp. And dangerous. And cheap. And I...   [Read more...]

Not Quite Done

by TonyNoland – about 1 year ago

The sword hilt slipped from his hand as he staggered back. Leather-palmed gauntlets slick with blood, his own and that of dozens of men, could yet have gripped, had his hands the strength for it.

In the steaming corpse at his feet, the blade angled ...   [Read more...]

Don't think about it

by TonyNoland – about 1 year ago

You slide a cool hand across my chest, toying with the thick hair before following it downward.

"Treasure trail..." you whisper, your breath warm and moist against my ear, "... that's what we called it."

You move your han...   [Read more...]

Long Vacation

by TonyNoland – over 1 year ago

Well, I said I wanted it to be a quiet vacation. You can't get much quieter than this. Even if this atmosphere were thick enough to conduct sound waves, I'm the only sentient being on Mars.

Yep, nice and quiet. Finally.

What have I got, eight more...   [Read more...]

Sleep, my darling, sleep

by TonyNoland – over 1 year ago

I'd paid for the whole night, thinking that I might as well go for the whole enchilada.

Half an hour would have been $80-plus, the "plus" being a sliding scale based on what I wanted to do in the half-hour. An hour would have been ...   [Read more...]

New potatoes, first crop

by TonyNoland – over 1 year ago

In the harsh twilight, he knelt and dug.

In the bottom of the phoenix-grave, he spread the spores that would feed on and support the beginnings 0f all life.

In the sharp, glassy soil, he placed the seeds of a new planet.

In the unmeas...   [Read more...]

Butterfly Rapture

by TonyNoland – over 1 year ago

"What is it you have to do again?"

Richard pointed at the screen. "You have to get the butterflies to land on that tree."

"Which one, the one on the left?"

"No," he said, "the other one, the litt...   [Read more...]

The Heathery Hills of Scotland

by TonyNoland – over 1 year ago

Snip. Snip.

Pause.

Snip snip snip.

He squinted into the test tube. The stems of heather floated in the solution of sodium dodecyl sulfate, suspended, waiting.

Laughing at him.

Gene closed his eyes. No, he thought, not now...   [Read more...]

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