tony_mcfadden (joined about 10 years ago)

Stories


"SUFFRAGETTE!" I looked around quickly. Nope. Nobody heard me. I wanted the throne but I was 'just a girl' and there were certain people in certain high places that thought that wasn't becoming a young lady.

The bishop was an ass.

Actually, the bishop was approaching *on* an ass. Perfect. With him out of the way nothing much would stop me. I sat in the branch over the path he was sure to follow, waiting for my chance. As he rode under the tree I dropped, garrote in my hands. I quickly looped the twine around his neck and tightened...

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"Knives."

"Yeah. And?"

"Pepper. Salt. Ducks. Ivory, but don't tell anybody."

"Seriously? Knives?"

He handed me the duffle bag. "Knives. And everything you need to know is in there, too."

"Everything?"

"Everything. The molecular structure of Ferrous Oxide. The length of a stick. The speed of light under water."

"What about the temperature of Jupiters core? The average age of a bitch collie in its first heat? Foreign exchange rates for all currencies against Bhutan?"

"All of that. Plus the phone numbers of every Mossad agent, and their email address and blog addresses. Oh, and the starting lineup of the...

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I read a story today, a true one, about a young man who hung himself at the age of twenty-three.

His story was horrific. The abuse he received as a child ruined him both physically and mentally and, apparently, emotionally.

It is so sad to hear about loss of young, talented people; even more so when it's the result of unspeakable evil done to them by pieces of shit that deserve a hell that Dante couldn't possibly imagine.

Hug your kids.

Listen to your friends.

Be kind. Always be kind. There is help out there, but you might not think...

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Shit.

Bob hit the switch again.

I'm not too surprised because he's the biggest klutz I've ever had the misfortune to know. It had to happen the one day I forgot my tethers.

I took a quick look around. No nearby trees to grab. The neighbour's dog was starting to lift. That *was* surprising. That bitch was huge.

The dog, I mean.

I was about 10 fet off the ground now and slowly accelerating. 'Bob, you wanker. Can you hear me?'

He stuck his unshaven face out the window. 'Wot?'

'You hit the switch again, right?'

'Wot switch?' He stuffed...

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Crap. This wasn't going to be good.

The old man said 'Let's go deer hunting. Just like old times. Reconnect after all those years of you pissing away your life on the other side of the world.'

That was last night. We drank to it. He had some incredible Irish Whiskey. 12 year old. We killed a bottle. I hoped like hell that he'd forget the hunting plans.

He didn't.

Oh, Christ, he didn't.

My brain was tuning timpani drums in my skull. Like O Fortuna was ramping up. There was a fog over the field that may or may...

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She'd always come running when I called.

But not today. The kids called me at work and said they couldn't find her, and that after she lapped a bit of water in the morning they hadn't seen her all day.

When I got home we all searched the area. I knew she couldn't have gone far - her walk was slowing and she was getting weak. She still loved the kids, and played when she could, but she was 12, after all, and most Border Collies reached the end by that age.

I found her after about 5 minutes of...

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The moon would never be the same again.

NASA, in a fit of proctological madness popped a cap in it's ass. It was no longer the benign pie in the sky of sappy Italian love songs.

The man, the one in the moon, was pissed.

The changes were slow to come. Not many people noticed at first that the tides were stronger and higher. The Bay of Fundy was virtually empty during low tide, and Nova Scotia completely submerged during high before anybody thought to ask what was up.

Lunacy was on the rise.

Werewolf sightings peaked.

Lunar eclipses now...

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Well, I wasn't prepared for this. Genetic engineering really is only my minor. I majored in Music Education, and do a helluva good job at it, if I do say so myself.

The genetic engineering project was supposed to be more kid friendly. A cockatoo and a persian cat, gene spliced, to for some sort of mutated mix. The math (something I'm freely admitting to be poor at) implied more of a cat's head. I got the bird head. Must have not carried the three.

Anyway.

I'm going to have to raise it now. There's no getting out of that....

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'Pension.'

'No, come on, you stil saying it like an American.'

'I *am* an American.'

'Yeah but you're in Paris now.'

'You mean Paree.'

'Piss off. Now say it again. Pawn she on.'

'Nah. Too hard. It's pension.'

'I'm not going through with this unless you at least try.'

'Fuck it. I'm not. Grab the overhead bags and let's get off the plane.'

'No. I'm not getting of the plane until you at least try.'

He checked the tickets. 'How much does it cost to change the return flight?'

'You want to stay longer?'

'No. I'm changing it to the...

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Once, in Beijing, a young girl in a red gown huddled in a doorway.

Twice, in Singapore, she sat by a fountain.

Three times, in Kuala Lumpur, at three different locations, she waited by Banyan trees.

She was waiting. Always waiting.

She was waiting for me.

She didn't know that I knew that she was waiting for me, but enough money, in the right pockets, can keep me out of trouble. *Has* kept me out of trouble for the past four years. Kept me out of her hands. Out of the hands of the people who wanted to find me....

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