Everyone tries to be funny and make jokes about the magic beans. "Trade a cow? How about my wife?" they say. But magic beans, and the vines that grow from them? That's no laughing matter, and my garden is a mess.
You ever known a weed to go away by cutting it down? No of course not, you cut the weed, and it will just grow back. You have to pull the thing out by the roots if you're going to have any hope of getting rid of the thing, and even then it's usually back in a week. Well,...
Jolene woke slowly, feeling extremely cold and uncomfortable.
She was indoors, but lying on a cold, carpet-less floor. It was dark, save for a glimmer of light peeking through the outline of a door.
She couldn't remember how she came to be where she was. This realization frightened her; it was not her home, nor any place she knew. She got to her feet and tried to open the door.
It was locked.
A sound of sliding metal; light came through a grate near eye-level. "I see you're finally awake," she heard, in a voice so heavily distorted she couldn't...
Once, in Beijing, a young girl in a red gown huddled in a doorway. It was a cold evening, and it turns out she didn't quite make the cut to be invited to the party. There's no way she could've gone back home, though. The opinion of her parents was so important to her-- having them know that she was an outcast? It wasn't an option.
So she just stood there. Outside, watching all the more popular people go in. It wouldn't have been so bad if she could sit alone in a quiet corner of the restaurant across the...
"Ice Snakes! I will not let you beat me into the Olympics!" Woolly Mammoth shouted as he watched the Ice Snakes perform their gymnastics trick. He was shushed by the judges. "Be quiet or you'll be disqualified." The Ice Snakes smirked as they completed their routine. Woolly Mammoth was next. He stepped up onto the trampoline and stated his name. "I am Woolly Mammoth." He started his routine. He flipped, jumped, and twirled. He blew away the judges completely. When it was time to announce who would be going to the Olympics, "Polar Bear, Sloth, Penguin, and Woolly Mammoth." The...
Can I survive? Am I really as strong as they think I am? They all think that I'm some prefect little girl who is strong and mature enough to keep her head and endure anything all by herself, but am I really? I just keep searching for an elusive escape that doesn't exist, I keep praying for answers that I know I will never find. Why don't they see my cheeks, burned by the tears? Why don't they hear the screaming of my heart as I live my life? They don't because I don't let it show. I can't let...
Fecking parents. Stupid betches who sent me to some Asiaman country. Like, the Olympics were here or some shit? Margo watched the gymnastics because she says those skinny betches give her inspiration.
So the plane. There's some old shriveled mushroom man who murmurs some language in his sleep. His elbow keeps bumping mine, mind my bubble betch.
Some dude picks me up at the airport. No English, obviously. Why the feck don't you speak English? I thought everyone learns it in school. Whatever. My parents sent me here for culture. Sorry if eating dogs and people yelling squiggly lines at...
The lamp wouldn't turn on. And he hated the dark. Always had. Kind of a rare phobia.
He tried again, but of course it didn't work any better the first time. Could be the tagline to a life, he thought.
Nothing for it then but to head out. The room was familiar, the door should be...that chair wasn't there before, but the floor - the floor was right where it always had been.
Ok, hands and knees then. Slide along, feel the wall, aha! Doorjamb, doorknob, turn, swing, hallway. A little ambient light from outside. Feel along the wall -...
Once, in Beijing, a young girl in a red gown huddled in a doorway. Being a professional, I have no time for such girls. My life is full of alcohol, women, and meetings. I also work on occasion, but if that were the reason I came into my profession, I would not currently be involved in what I do.
Do I care about the world? Funny you should ask that. Just the other day, I sent a donation to a charity. I felt bad because people are starving... somewhere.
My girlfriend is beautiful. She has done modeling for various designers...
Drink, row 18, seat f. Coca Cola. Seat g. Orange juice. Wants vodka. That'll be $5. I can charge it to your credit card or take cash. Comes back, gets vodka, goes back, give vodka.
Jacob tells the co-pilot to take the controls. "I'll be right back."
Snack, row 23, seat b.
Jacob eyes her, and she eyes back, but is helpless to move. He makes for the lavatory, but she doesn't follow.
Orange joice, row 23, seat c. Call light, row 5, seat c.
He unzips his fly, pulls down his pants, and begins to play with himself, expecting,...
I dream of beautiful things, of sunshine, of laughter, I dream of family. These dreams always manage to find their way into my pen as I write and turn themselves into words on the page. The sharp contrast of the thick, smooth, black ink on the creamy, soft pages makes a perfect place to display all of the beautiful words. Each of the letters are shaped perfectly round and as I read, they serve another purpose. As I read, they become paintbrushes and skilled artists as they begin to paint stunning pictures in my mind. They paint pictures of a...